Here's to the New Year

2015 might have been one of the most painful years of my life. Well, at least the first half. Early January last year, Will and I were lying on his bed and he asked me what I was thinking. My mind was racing with useless thoughts so I just said, "Nothing." He told me, “There’s something different about you.” When I asked him what he meant, he paused for a long time then said, “I don’t know… you seem lost.”

That's because I was.

Nothing in life seemed to be working out for me at that moment (in almost all aspects of my life, a list too long and too personal to include in a blog post). Many of these things made me question my future and put me through a lot of emotional turmoil. But then, around July, things began working themselves out. One at a time, a problem in my life was solved. I got a good job, a couple of med school acceptances, built a SIGNIFICANTLY better relationship with my boyfriend, got help with some other problems, and things started to take off from there. Looking back, it was kind of a sudden transition, taking only a couple of months to turn my circumstances around. But it felt so slow, so agonizingly slow.

To be completely honest, sometimes I try to forget the beginning of 2015. It would take several journal entries, several hours of talking to explain how difficult it was. But I know I should be glad I can't block out the year. The hardships I went through last year taught me so much about myself and about the world and I feel that I am a better person because of it. From narrowly escaping the possibility of losing my apartment to dealing with the death of a friend, and countless other things in between. Some lessons included: I learned to stop overthinking and stressing over little things. With so much going on, the insignificant things that once bothered me became irrelevant and remained irrelevant. I learned how to be a better girlfriend and a more understanding person in general. I grew up in the real world and took on more responsibility. No longer could I rely on financial aid or work-study jobs. And, I think most importantly, I learned the importance of expressing my love towards my friends, family, and boyfriend more than ever before; it should not take a funeral for me to tell someone how much they mean to me.

This picture was taken on my anniversary, December 15, 2015, when the year was ending peacefully and joyfully, very clearly distinct from its beginning.

2016 began with my first New Year's kiss and a wonderful Hollywood celebration. The mood was amazing and I was happy. But I couldn't help but remember Jan 1st of last year, also in Hollywood, but celebrated with a friend whose soul has now left the Earth, a reminder to myself to cherish these moments and appreciate the people in my life.